How Reading Saved Me

So I took a bit of a break from my blog because I have been transitioning back into life as a working woman! For eight months I was going through a difficult time as I was pursuing what was going to come next in my career. It really was a challenging time. Mentally. Emotionally. I was married in September 2017 (best decision ever). As my wedding day approached, I made the stressful decision to leave my job of two years. I left an incredibly toxic work environment. For two years, I saw more and more of myself disappear. I became someone who I did not recognize. Despite meeting and falling in love with the most incredible man I was extremely unhappy for the eight hours of my day I spent at work. It then got to the point where I could not let go of all the stress, frustration, and anxiety that I experienced at work. I brought it home. That toxic work environment was eating away at me. Piece by piece. I knew that I had entered a highly undesirable work situation one month into the job.

I became a highly anxious person. My body was tense and constantly on high alert. Every single day. Going to work felt like I was going to battle. I chose to leave and it was the right decision FOR ME. However, after going through all of that, it was not as easy as leaving it behind. I have a strong work ethic (thanks mom and dad). I gave my job my all despite the difficulties I experienced. I am stubborn. I am not the sort of person who just gives up on something. That job experience made me doubt myself. It made me question if I was doing the right thing. It made me wonder if I had made the right career choice. I felt weak, broken and lost. I doubted my abilities. I second guessed myself. I essentially became scared of everything. That was not the person I was nor was that the person I wanted to be.

For the first time in roughly 15 years….I did not have a job. What the hell was I supposed to do with myself?

Three things got me through it. Number one…my wonderful husband. Number two…family and friends. Number three…reading.

I had a terrific support system in the people that I have in my life but they cannot be there all of the time. I spent most of the day alone. Reading got me through it. I have always maintained a strong reading life but my reading life EXPLODED during this time. It exploded and it evolved. I normally have always been a consistent nonfiction reader. I love to learn and absorb facts but that quickly changed as I began to adjust to a new reality. I became drawn to fiction. Never in a million years would I ever have predicted that I would read exclusively fiction. Yet look at me now….currently…I am reading three novels. I am reading zero nonfiction. Mind you I have not abandoned nonfiction…I completed one last week. I learned that fiction can be a wonderful world in which to forget my stresses, momentarily let go of anxiety if possible and give me something to do.

During my time of unemployment, I developed this blog. I become an enthusiastic member of the bookstagram community. I became a reviewer for a publisher. I have since been approached by another publisher. My reading life brought me back. It made me confident in my abilities. I was able to heal from a trying time in my life. I grew as a reader. I embarked down a new bookish path in that I got back to my books. I re-discovered that books are my security. Books are my passion. I discovered a new level of my ability to support and champion books. I am thrilled to see where that will go in the future.

One month ago I began a new job. I am in absolute awe that going to work does not mean preparing for battle and needing to defend myself. I am surrounded by people who do not dread every single work day ahead of them. I get to come home and have the energy to snuggle next to my hubby….and read a book.